Imperfect Memories

I was watching this video and there is more than a grain of truth in this.

The last time I saw my dad in his full capacity was about a month before he was cut down by a massive stroke. During that trip back to my hometown, as I was having dinner with him, I was struck by the way he ate, the way he kept his arms close to his body and his wrist bent downwards to use his cutlery. The way he shovels his food into his mouth (yes, he loved his food) and the way how a grain of rice will always always end up stuck to the right corner of his mouth. My mom and I always joked that he had a rice magnet there.

I am ashamed now to say that at that time, I was rather embarrassed by how un-normal this was and always tried not to look at him while we ate.

On the 2nd day of his wake, his best friend, Uncle J, mentioned the way he ate (so I was not the only one who noticed) and I suddenly burst to tears. Since the beginning of the wake, I must say I had been pretty stoic and tears were held at bay in public but at that mention, it was like the wall just broke.

I was missing how he ate and our conversations at the dinner table. He was the kind of father who really takes an interest in the lives of his children and again, I am ashamed to say that when I was younger, I sometimes felt it invasive and was often impatient with him.....but now that I myself am a mother, I begin to understand his deep interest and concern in our lives....

.....and now I realise to late, how much he really loved us his family, no matter how imperfect we are....and I missed the boat for not accepting how imperfect he was.