Goodbye baby angel

Goodbye little baby. We found out that the little one didn't make it when we went for a scan on the 6th Feb. The technician couldn't find a hearbeat and so sent for Dr Wong who also couldn't detect a hearbeat nor blood circulation. I was scheduled for a D&C right the next day with a heavy heart. DH was also affected but it manifested in his impatience with the slow service and disorder.

It is for the better in a way as the Dr says it is mostly due to the foetus being genetically unviable and that it happens in 15% of all pregnancies (saying that it even happened to him and his wife and that there was nothing he could do). Logically it is better that the little one is in heaven rather that being an imperfect in a world who demands perfection although it is an impossible task.

I think I must have pushed the sadness into the farthest corner of my heart but I was surprised when it resurfaced out of the blue when I saw the little bunny I bought for the little one while taking a blankie out for Kiki the other day. (I bought the little bunny for him/her as I thought it would be nice for him/her to have a new cuddly of his/her own and not a hand-me-down). I was surprised myself to find tears welling up and a profound sadness that accompanied.

The little one was 8 weeks and 3 days old when his/her heart stopped beating on or around 5th Feb 2009.

Goodbye for now little one and wait for mummy up in heaven. Mummy will hold you and cuddle you one day....

Clearing Old Photos

So, I sorted out all the photos from my old photo albums which I took back from AS. I followed mum's advice and removed all the old photos from their albums and put them in clear plastic bags. I managed to reduce a big pile of photo albums (some of which were already falling apart) into 1 small bag of photos.

Looking through all the photos, I must say I had a very fun childhood. There were photos of trips with friends, picnics at yan waterfall, and of course an assortment of old boyfriends and the places we went and the things we did. There were even some old notes and cards from various ppl who came and has since gone from my life. While reminiscing, I must say I do miss a couple of people who were dear to my heart...one of them is lost with time and the other is lost from forever.

I came across so many picture of me and my 1st love and who could have imagined then that that young skinny boy would end up taking is own life 2 years ago? It was a life of innocence then.

Would I have done things differently looking back? Well, there would be some stuff that I wouldn't have done now in hindsight and some stuff I would redo again life after life.